Momin' Ain't Easy - So Why Do We Make It Harder?
Congratulations! You made it through pregnancy and you have either pushed a human out of your va-ja-ja or had one cut out of your body. You did it! Welcome to motherhood, you are uh-mazing for doing all of that but I have some bad news....that was the easy part! It just gets harder as time goes on. Well truthfully, some things get harder and other things get easier but being a mom isn’t always easy. Some days you don’t like your children, like at all, but you feel awful for even admitting something like that to yourself and you would never say it out loud. Well I just said it, some days I think my child is being an a-hole and it’s my job to help her not be a permanent a-hole!
Nowadays, there is so much pressure on mom’s to do it all, be it all, and have it all. Well I am here to tell you that it is not realistic or healthy for anyone. I like to think of myself as a woman who supports and celebrates feminism. I know that this next line is going to get some flack so prepare those nasty emails now....I kind of think that women’s lib has made life harder for us. What? Yes, just give me a minute to explain before you send your nastygram. Women used to stay at home and take care of their children, husband, and home. Then we became socially liberated and it became acceptable to have a job outside of the home, go to college, and even have a career. Amazing right? Wrong! Guess what, the other job that women used to have of taking care of their children, husbands, and homes did not go away. So now, we get to have two, yes two, full time jobs; one outside of the home and one inside the home. Let’s be honest, everything we used to do we still do even when we work full-time. We still plan meals, grocery shop, do laundry, pack lunches, help with homework, kiss boo boo’s, plan play dates, clean the house, make sure everyone has good personal hygiene and many more things I could list but you get the point by now. So we get to work all day at a job or develop our own careers and then we get to come home to a whole other job! Way to go women’s lib, thanks for allowing us to have another full-time job that’s just what we needed.
Part of the reason that we have so much on our plates is because moms tend to be control freaks! It developed out of a natural process, after we give birth we are responsible for whether or not that baby survives and that is some heavy stuff. We monitor when they eat, sleep, and poop (plus make notes and charts on the color and texture of it- how fun). Motherhood has led to us being control freaks and we have no one to blame but ourselves. Sure, we want to blame our husband’s but it’s not their faults that they don’t do things the way we want, is it? The truth is, we don’t let our husbands do things because we think our way is the right way and their way is just plain wrong. Well guess what, you are wrong. Your husband is perfectly capable of doing things and taking on responsibilities but you have to let go of controlling everything and let him do it his own way. So what does this look like in everyday life?
First of all, men are different than women and because of that we communicate in a different way. For example, we think if you have to keep shoving sh*t in the trash can it is obvious that it needs to be emptied but men think of it as a challenge, “I wonder how much sh*t I can get in this trash can?” It is our responsibility to verbalize our needs to our husbands, we can’t expect them to just read our minds and see something then do it, like we do. They are simply not wired that way. In a way, they are way less complicated than us, all you have to do is tell them what you need in a blunt way, no beating around the bush, no suggestions, just say it, “I need you to empty the trash, please!” Then they know how to meet your need and it’s so much easier than allowing anger and frustration to pile up onto your already full plate. That being said, you have to let go of some control, like for real let go, don’t just say it, do it!
I love that my husband has started to help out more and I have learned to accept the help that he gives. I really shouldn’t say “help” because that also implies that it’s a woman’s job and after all, we all live in the same house so it should be a group effort to run this place but anyhoo I digress....My husband has started to change the toilet paper roll, don’t be jelly, except he puts the roll on so that that paper comes from underneath. I hate underneath toilet paper but I love my husband, so guess what, I leave it underneath and I thank him for changing it. It’s only toilet paper; the world is not going to come to an end just because it is facing a direction that I do not prefer. What I prefer is his help and that’s what I got so I just shut my mouth and accept it! I could easily switch the paper right? Wrong, if I want my husband to continue to do things around the house I never undo what he has done. Just think about that for a minute, if someone comes behind you and redoes everything you do, what message does that send to you? Well, I will tell you, it sends the message that you are doing it wrong and over time you will stop doing it because there is no point if someone is just going to come behind you and redo everything that you just did. The goal is to create a home that everyone is responsible for so that we can finally enjoy this women’s lib stuff and stop resenting it for giving us another full time job.
So go ahead, make momin’ a bit easier for you! Accept and appreciate the help that you receive from your husband even if it isn’t exactly the way you would prefer. After all you both are on this crazy journey together and it’s important that you both feel appreciated by one another.