Life does not have to “suck!”
Having struggles with the thought of deploying or another round of redeployment, is common and yet not talked about. You are not only dealing with the fact you have to leave your home, but the added stress of deployment itself:
Am I going to come back?
Will I be able to deal with PTSD?
Will I get injured badly enough that I cannot do my job or support my family?
How do I deal with the fact that I am the only one left of my squad that survived?
Will my loved ones love me still after they find out what I have done?
How is this doing to affect my family and children?
You have been a soldier for so long that you do not know how to be anything else. Although you love being a soldier, it has take a personal toll on you at times. Deployment, you are always looking for threats and has become a daily routine. Back home, what was once a simple trip to the store is now a daunting mental struggle to either avoid a crowded area or go in the middle of the night to avoid most people altogether. You are triggered by traffic stupid people, the inability to find joy in anything that is not military-related. You start to feel that this is not what you signed up for.
Sometimes you have doubted your decision for this lifestyle because it has come at a cost. It has cost you possibly your loved ones, your kids, family, friends, major events, or maybe your own individual identity. You have either mistreated your loved ones or they have mistreated you, but you understand that everyone is dealing with a lot of emotional issues. Gravitating to your comfort zone of the military is your norm because the thought of anything else incapacitates you. You want so badly to feel “normal” or at least feel that you can be the person who you once were.